da dobrowin： If the tabloids’ transfer rumour columns were a national park, you’d find The Roundabout in its darkest and dingiest corner, rusting in the rain and occupied by two chavs huffing hippy crack.
da brdice： Nonetheless, The Roundabout provides a valuable service – squishing the day’s most hyperbolic transfer stories into one easily accessible, mildly humorous place. Which, if you haven’t worked out already, is right here.
Doing a handstand at the epicentre of The Roundabout and shouting “YOU WANT SOME” at random passers-by in their chaviest chav clobber is Chelsea Football Club, who want to sign every player in Serie A now that Antonio Conte will be in charge next season.
They’ve been boozing it up with Roma directors over the weekend under the poorly veiled premise of discussing deals for Kostas Manolas and midfielder Radja Nainggolan, with promising youngsters Andreas Christensen and Ruben Loftus-Cheek potentially booted off the other way.
Meanwhile, Spurs can’t afford the real Paul Pogba so they’re targeting the Brazilian Paul Pogba instead – who probably isn’t anything like Paul Pogba or for that matter, Brazilian, but is meant to be quite good at kicking a pig skin across a large grassy field.
And Arsene Wenger’s mission to make an Arsenal first team so young they need parental guardians jogging next them during training sessions has taken a major step in the right direction, with news Arsenal are chasing 18-year-old Boca Juniors star Rodrigo Bentancur.
Back to European football, Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea, Tottenham Hotspur, Liverpool, Inter Milan, Fenerbahce, Macclesfield, Accrington Stanley, Wealdstone, Welling United and well.. everyone target Sofiane Feghouli has been suspended by the club formerly known as Gary Neville’s Valencia for being a VERY NAUGHTY BOY in training. Nothing to do with him planning to leave on a free transfer then.
And finally, bringing what has been a stomach-churning ride on The Roundabout to an end is news that Zlatan Ibrahimovic has ‘indicated a willingness’ to join Manchester United, we can only assume by encasing a lock of his lushious hair in a perfumed love letter and sending it to Ed Woodward.
But the PSG strike veteran, who combines the towering frame of Andy Carroll with the nifty feet of Dennis Bergkamp, doesn’t want to play under fellow egomaniac Louis van Gaal – presumably in case their egos combine and suck the footballing universe into a gigantic black hole.
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